Why do toddlers throw tantrums?

Before going to the topic of how to deal with Tantrums?, let’s discuss why and what causes tantrums and meltdowns. Throwing tantrums is a way of communication where they don’t know how to showcase their emotions. Tantrums are a part of life in parenting. Remember, no parent can escape from them. They happen either at home or in public, and they usually occur between the ages of 1 and 3.

During this particular period, they are in an emotional developmental phase. They try to do some things independently but sometimes can’t do it on their own. There comes frustration, and he/she starts throwing tantrums. And remember, having tantrums is a normal one.

First, do a functional assessment. That is, find out the root cause of why the child is throwing tantrums and understand their behaviour. And we can’t completely avoid all the tantrums, but we can avoid a few tantrums by knowing the trigger points.

Watch down for some common triggers.

• Hungerness
• feeling very tired
• no activity/same bored activity
• seeking for parents attention
• wanted to do things independently
• lack of boundaries
• Exhaustion
• Excessive stimulation

Let’s see how to support and comfort them during these challenging times. Coming to 11 better ways to deal with Tantrums

Stay Calm

Whenever there is a tantrum, the first and foremost thing is to stay calm. Yes, as a parent, I can understand. Throwing tantrums triggers us to lose our temper and makes us act immediately. Instead, take a deep breath and respond to them calmly. Taking a deep breath and calming ourselves at all times can’t happen in one night. Make yourself to start accepting the fact that “yelling back at them won’t work” in the long run. “Always think, if you’re going to outburst, then it comes back to you.” Because they are observing you and imitating you.

Notice them in advance

deal with Tantrums is not necessary when you Notice them prior will work at times. Say you took your child to a park, a friend’s home, or any play zone. Don’t tell them in the beginning or at the end that you only have half an hour or one hour. This may trigger tantrums because they don’t like immediate unpleasant surprises.

Convey them in the middle of the game or whatever that we have to go home. Instead of saying only 5 more minutes, you can say you can go around for 3 more times. Letting them know before will make sense of control, and tantrums can be avoided at such particular times.

Use positive language

Okay. So what is the first thing you do when they throw tantrums? Most of the moms say shh, don’t shout, don’t cry, or don’t do that. They also observed that using these words won’t work during tantrums because they don’t know the meaning of “don’t.” Do you know what to do? Just calm yourself, get on their level, and change the way of talking with them. “The gentle tone really matters the most.”

Commanding Words	Gentle tone
Eat This	I will keep it here. Can you taste it?
Stop crying	I can see this is hard for you. Let me help you with this activity
Be quiet	Can you use a softer voice?
Calm down	How can I help you?

Ground yourself

First, try to relax when the situation is not as planned. Then get on to their level. That is, kneel down to your toddler’s height and make eye contact for connection and communication. By doing this, we will make them feel seen and heard about their feelings.

To make them feel better, Encourage them to do their favourite activity, like colouring, drawing, sticker activity, etc. But don’t give in to their demands by offering a new toy or anything to make them quiet. Offering when they ask seems to work out at that time. But in the long run, they feel temper tantrums are an efficient method to satisfy their needs. Instead, give attention and make them feel secure.

No overreacting

Overreacting or talking too much about the incident will make the moment worse. Think for a moment. Is he/she throwing tantrums all day? No right.It happens for some reasons when they are out of control, or they may feel hungry a little earlier or have any tiredness when they go out. Understanding their behavioural structure and responding to it will reduce tantrums. Just give them a hug and accept all their feelings are valid and acceptable. See, we as parents need to support and respect their emotions for a safer space for them. Always keep in mind that “children often mirror the emotions of their parents.”

Stick to the Routine

Do you think only toddlers throw tantrums? Haven’t you felt any uncontrollable anger toward your partner? Have you ever thought, When was the last time you outburst to a partner? For example, Say you cooked a delicious meal for dinner and everything is on the table. Suddenly your partner came and said, Let’s have dinner out for today. What will be your reaction?

You literally start to outburst your emotions because of the effort you put in. And all of a sudden, your dinner routine got affected. And I am not saying you should not have dinner outside, but “the most important thing here is letting them know prior about the plan will prepare their mind for an upcoming task, and it’s so simple, right?

The same applies to toddlers’ tantrums too, when they are in the developmental phase. One of the ways to avoid tantrums is by setting routines, which gives them security. Setting clear rules and routines will make them know what behaviours are acceptable. And this should be maintained consistently, and there is no excuse for that. If you consistently maintain the same behaviour, it will make them understand the final result. This is more important while you deal with Tantrums

Ignore Tantrum behaviour

Whenever there is a possibility, just ignore the tantrum behaviour. Sometimes they start screaming, falling on the ground, kicking feet, etc. You can ignore all these signs. “It’s important to make them understand that throwing tantrums isn’t an effective way to get what they want.” Ignoring tantrums will work only in some particular circumstances.

• when the child is ready to accept when you redirect them.
• When there is no audience to watch, then why anger outbursts? So no show is required to show off, right?
• When the child is not doing any physical danger activity

Give attention

Physical comfort like giving them a hug, offering a comfortable touch, or offering water to drink will help them to settle down. say, would like to have some water to feel better? As soon as they try to calm down, stay close to them and make sure you understand that they are upset and you are still there for them along with them and discuss how they feel and what makes them feel upset. So take a break for some time and try to give them the utmost attention and quality time.

No Punishment/No Threat/No bribe

Always think from their perspective. Remember, kids are kids always. Don’t threaten them by saying, If you do this, I will not talk to you. If you didn’t eat that, I will not buy this for you. As parents, we are the only ones who can understand them very well. So if you think any particular item is making them trigger tantrums, just try to avoid keeping it in front of them. The keynote is Do not bribe them with goodies when you are are not aware of how to deal with tantrums. This may lead to bad parenting

Distract them

Try to distract them and offer them some choices, or try to take them to other places and say them politely. This sometimes ends the tantrum soon Example: Do you want to play with your Play-Dough activity or read a storybook? Offering choices will make them shift their focus, and it ends there.

Final thoughts:

All these toddlers’ tantrums will come to an end at one particular time, and they are also going to forget these incidents. So make sure you are not clinging to it often. Make the journey as smooth as possible. As parents, we also have outbursts when we are not well, overtiredness, or mood swings. To make a better child, first become a better parent. the first step towards gentle parenting.. Are you ready to shift your perspective? Comment down which tantrum method worked out for you other than the mentioned one, so that fellow mommies can benefit from you. Stay tuned for screentime tantrums and tantrums in public. Subscribe Risinglittlewonders for more parental information