10 Common Signs of Bad Parenting

No bad parent, but bad parenting exists!

There is not much introduction because I feel there is no bad parent in this parenting journey. Let me come to the point straight. In this beautiful parenting journey, we as parents are unknowingly affecting the children. But how?

“Not as a bad parent, but by doing bad parenting.” Many parents miss out on the major challenging roles in parenting, which makes them bad parents. Let me discuss in detail about 10 signs of bad mother, which you should walk away from no matter what.

Not Listening to Them

When I spoke with parents, most worried that their children were not listening to them and screaming without any reason, but the truth is, parents don’t listen to them. Usually, children under age 3 are attention seekers. They don’t know how to express. If you listen to them initially, they try to communicate what they want, and if you do not listen to them or if you are busy with some other work to get attention, they express themselves by screaming. As a parent, always have baby time and listen to them. That will give a different perspective on your child.

Lack of emotional support

To make it clear, I will start with our daily schedule. Yes, we do daily actions, which turn into habits, right? If you miss out on any habit for a particular day, it is okay in this busy world. But what if you start to miss your emotional connection with your child?

For example, saying you are not paying attention and not showing empathy for any particular day or event is acceptable. Because we humans can’t be perfect all the time, as many things run around us. But what if you miss this repeatedly without knowing, and how do they feel? Believe me, not giving emotional support to your child will make you a terrible parent, and this parenting style genuinely hurts the child’s development without knowing the outcomes.

“The frequency of any activity that you do with your child matters here.”

How do I overcome this?

• As a mom, I can understand that we can’t talk, play, or simply sit with them all day. But the key is, when they say something to you, “be present at that moment” instead of scrolling something on your phone or nodding your head just like that.
• Better have a dedicated time for open conversation and listen to them fully without any interruption.
• Support them, especially during school events like low performance in any activity or low marks in examinations.
• Simply telling them that you love them won’t make sense. Support them with emotional connection and spend meaningful time with them.

Lack of trust

Without trust, the parent-child relationship is nothing. Nowadays, parents don’t allow children to settle on choices because they don’t trust them. And some parents prioritise academics and don’t trust their creativity. This will limit their problem-solving skills.

Unstructured play also creates a lot of creativity, and neglecting this will impact their innovative thoughts, and they don’t express anything freely. When they commit a mistake, trust them and show them there is nothing to criticise or shame on their mistake, and “learning never ends without errors.”

How do I overcome this?

• Find an opportunity to discuss their thoughts, interests, and feelings.
• Trusting them when they try new things will make them feel secure and confident.
• For example, you are going shopping. Trust them and involve them in making decisions for an upcoming Christmas event.

Overprotection

“Too much control in terms of love leads to overprotectiveness.”

Yes, it’s our responsibility to safeguard them from harmful things. However, in terms of love and protection, parents take too much control over their decisions and actions.

Overcontrol impacts children’s emotional and psychological development, particularly in problem-solving areas, emotional regulation, self-esteem, etc. In the long term, children who were brought up in these environments will likely be dependent and feel difficulty in social connection because of constantly monitoring them 24/7. Also, overprotectiveness makes your child scared of taking any new opportunity or making new friends, which may lead to tantrums (click the link to learn how to handle it).

How do I overcome this?

• Respect their boundaries and recognise whether to stay back or intervene in the problem for sorting out.
• Converse your opinions to pursue their interests only if they ask for help.

Lack of discipline

In some cases, the parenting approach will be ruled by minimal rules and expectations and high freedom and choices. This minimal oversight may engage them in more risky behaviour in the future. This lack of discipline may hinder their responsibility, social engagement, and personal well-being. Thus, it’s important to shape their behaviour and attitudes in childhood itself.

One common signs of bad parenting is inconsistent discipline, like changing the rules frequently. This will allow them to feel like rules are optional because rules are unclear to them. For example, consider you are ignoring a child’s misbehaviour one day because of your tight schedule. And on another day, you are punishing them for the same behaviour. This will confuse their mind, and their view will be that rules are meant to be broken or optional.

How do I improve this?

• The main primary factor for self-discipline is “motivation.”
• Encourage children for their positive behaviour to remain in a commitment to discipline, which promotes gentle parenting.
• Enhance self-discipline by setting clear expectations, offering emotional support to work towards them when they face challenges, and assigning them suitable penalties when required.
• Start with simple habits, gradually set up a routine structure, and identify the areas for improvement.
• Consistency is another key to discipline. It reinforces for them that rules are important.

Unrealistic Expectations

Parents often demand their desires due to social pressure, especially in education, sports, etc.

For example, take academics. Setting high expectations, like top grades, forcing children to enrol in multiple extracurricular activities, and assuming more responsibility beyond their age by comparing with other children is like an offence. And without considering their interests and needs is a huge mistake in this rewarding journey. This will develop low self-esteem, mental health issues, fear of failure, and a loss of creativity in their passion highlighting the psychological effects of bad parenting

How do I break this cycle?

• As parents, it’s our responsibility to know about age-appropriate milestones.
• Accept the fact that failures are acceptable, not shameful.”.
• Do active listening and ask them about their interests.
• Encourage open communication to express their feelings.
• Celebrate their participation and effort instead of the outcome.

Too much attention or not enough

Some parents might fall into this category. As humans, everyone wants to be heard, right? And it is the same for children also. Listening to them and validating their emotions is acceptable. But giving too much attention is a signs of bad parenting. That is, they were overactive about their child’s life. By doing this, it hinders their ability, and they don’t learn from real-life experience.

Not enough attention on the other side is a common problem nowadays, which causes a loss of self-confidence and trust in parents. For example, when you try to make eye contact to have a conversation with them, they avoid you. This is the reflection of your behaviour.

How do I overcome this?

• Pay close attention to them when they feel frustrated.
• Try not to yell or not to raise your hands for their behaviour.
• Take a break to gather thoughts and emotions to handle the situation better.

No healthy Boundaries

Parent-child relationships will work only if you set boundaries. And few parents were not aware of age-appropriate boundaries, so they simply allowed them to make decisions when they weren’t mature enough to handle it. Boundaries should be maintained and balanced consistently.

How to balance it?

• Explaining boundaries is a must before setting boundaries.
• For example, explain to them why education is important. You can say, “You can complete your homework before playing cricket,” which means you are conveying to them, “You can play cricket, but before that, complete your homework and go. The statement you speak matters here.”.

Comparison with others

Comparing with other children is trendy these days. Comparing makes them believe that they aren’t good enough about themselves and develop low self-worth. And constantly comparing your child tells them that they should be like other children and should acquire their traits.

How to overcome?

• No comparison with siblings, classmates, or relatives children, and avoid statements like “Why don’t you score like him?” This will reduce their confidence level.
• Instead of comparing with others, start encouraging them for their effort and for what they have achieved so far. Celebrate the journey and how far they have come.

Key takeaways:

To get rid of these 10 signs of poor parenting, let me give you quick insights in general.

• Connect with your trusted friend and seek feedback about your parenting style, whether in setting boundaries or whatever it is. There is a chance of getting input from their experience.
• In this parenthood journey, educate yourself by reading books, attending online workshops, or consulting therapists. As you know, change doesn’t happen overnight. So commit yourself to continuous learning.
• Do self-assessment regularly, and don’t forget to celebrate the moments when you handled the situation better than before. These changes will bring positive development in the parent-child relationship.

Conclusion:

Wake up, parents. You are not alone in this struggle. And I would say it’s not required to follow all the parenting strategies you come across. Just being present at the moment and giving your best is more than enough to be a good parent.

If you recognise any of these signs, then start working on them to create a nurturing environment for the children.